Neshe Yashin


The Pendulum of Love

You divided me breaking up as I bled in the middle of the night the bridges of my inner city collapsed Eleni was a paper woman a speck of paint, a little sadness and the simple story of womanhood, You were a pendulum of love touching her touching me then you stopped at her - the choice of defeat whereas spell was in motion - You came and went to her to me hurting with each touch You divided me you stabbed me with your pain like a knife then you mourned my death I am looking at your eyes to what far away land have they gone you the drop of love flowing to me it is finished you say then let barbed wire fall in between I am looking at your empty space the aching echo of your orphaned love there is never a winner in this war Eleni a ruin worse than I To love? I have also loved many man and still do the miracle is elsewhere the city beyond loving the night I have found you inside inside me Talking of separation I suddenly realise how deep your presence how crowded the city how tight this knot As I sighed fires began in every cell I remembered I did have a past I remembered I am in a world in the night as naked inner pain Now I think everything is a lie a divided city still reaches itself I am asleep in my grave you throw handfuls of betrayals on me I am waiting for that moment to arrive and everything to change for your arms to embrace me and everything is a game, you see forgive me my love forgive me The city awakes and everything flows as it should be cars and the tomorrow of life to be continued I wake into insanity and look at the time you have vacated to the hurtful words dangling in mid-air Who cares what is being lived in this house, at this moment I have raked the years and the sky is bleeding I am looking for the music I have lost in our body Love is fiction that’s what they will say everyone can talk, and this is on everyone’s head yet how strange I am dying alone with the poison I have tasted. a rare flower withers by my side I am waiting as though everything will change, “Forgive me my love forgive me in this world I have chosen you paying the price in disgrace.” How far how distant was that look the wall of bloody wars in front of your eyes How very true were your words I was just like other women as my soul crushed into your eyes as it tore apart as my skin ached I hear the thunder of those unyielding words I am not a beetle to be destroyed inside I am so vast so deep How strange the purification of oneself with the violence of sorrow am I so innocent, maybe not who knows how I must have hurt you for you to crush me and walk away like this translated by AYDIN MEHMET ALI

Stark naked

Your poem a secretive mirror where I saw myself with joy from the shadow of a body I walked to wonderlands magical the power of your love Howling winds, Howling winds, Howling winds destroyed the tower I am locked in A woman firmly always holds dresses in love as she undresses If you come ringing bells I think you a snake since torturers stole the love from my body Don't kiss me your poisoned tongue my suicide don't talk of me in your voice the revenge of sorrows What a crazy dance a love without gravity losing itself in space A flower left on my table a star fell asleep on the sheet hang its voice on my breast beating there doors knocking the tick-tack of the clock holding my hand your breath asleep in mine (The rainbow flowed mud as the arrow of separation sprang) Leaving the mirror an old woman's wrinkles under my eyes I stripped love from my body became stark naked destitute, silent be quiet no poet on earth can find the lines to forgive you From the book, Kapilar (Doors), 1992 translated by AYDIN MEHMET ALI

Unsent Letters

You took your voice and left and I remained staring at your empty space your footprints did not disappear on the roads of loving Glaring loneliness is what you left even when you dais “you are not alone” I have yet to grow up I am a lovebabe my dreams those of an adolescent girl I will come barefoot as everyone sleeps In the same city walls cut across my path wait on the other side to run and embrace since love is a bird And you? How can a man love overcoming all obligations would he come head-over-heels in love There is no access even if you begin the journey (Impossible without orders from the Commander) I was going to say don’t love a poet your fire silenced me love is a national traitor If I were to reach you are you there? On an island in the Mediterranean Sea Love would emerge if you were to divide love I don’t want it even independent federal In two separate cells to love in silence (This is a betrayal of the rebel generation) II Your name is like a knot inside me I undo it the soul pain and love seizures increase if loving is not joyful what’s the use? I must submit a petition (My request is obvious) “Permission to cross the border to be granted due to longing.” A lovesick flower is dying the guns turn on it - Love has been detained in no-man’s land it confessed to being a lunatic escapee III Even if I know nothing I know everything Love is the God of non-recognition of borders I saw you in my dream a bitter taste, confusion you had said you were ill, I did not forget even if around you always women die in me if you die don’t die I die IV I am afraid that this forbidden hope might be extinguished it is inescapable for fire to become ash I am mad I might just get up and come And you? Thief-of-hearts thief-of-women’s-hearts-bird And should you set me free where shall I go? Who shall understand my language the love of a provincial girl And if you were to fly away what would I do? I am afraid You did not notice. V I only write poetry if love exists, it can only be as poetry it can only be crazy overflowing uncontrollably, becoming the wind if you can be, you are the one only you become me VI In a musty cell I am a tangled up ball of wool This is not Berlin Don’t expect me I too expect you not to expect me If they were to shoot us what would remain If anything was to be shot love would be craziness in itself If only the address of the two of us was the same. VII Today is my day without hope no force can unite the United Nations as long as Nations exist I want peace between woman and man Can you not even fly me a message? to love like a woman is the implication in the end VIII I am alone I am so much you that I am so alone so much a child so much a woman so much a poet I am a flower, I have closed up my joy only opens to you I am alone. IX If they were to divide you by me me by you we remain in the end I sit and write poetry continue to burn by your side If only I were your side and you were my side United we would become us X No permission to cross in reality it is the traces of hope which disappear days spent in longing have turned to grief Don’t wait for me in the other cell of sorrow No access to love (Our Army is our greatest security) I kept looking at the stars tonight hoping you were looking too Your message for a meeting has reached me in a different country at a different time But I can’t wait the yellow snake called time keeps writhing inside me I have fallen into unpostponable longings I must see you today I will tell everyone I am in love with you even the policeman at the check-point I will tell everyone your forbidden name I will then walk through dressed like a cat Wait for me take me in your arms I will say “miow” to you in Turkish. XI To touch you first I need paper and pen then hope then tears How can I touch you? Climb up tall buildings and look towards me you will see that I love you nothing else (This love is an historical error) XII History buy me a Berlin I want to take him in my arms to run and run to find him amongst the crowds with hundred degree love to return to each other Add me to him, him to me History buy me a Berlin. XIII My homeland I felt you deepest in this love history wrote with my tears that I love you and him They separated us my heart is the most genuine document Bury me to him him to me if one day we don’t become one Let the tombstone say they had loved History did not love those who loved History and who should love you?